




z?6r 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

■lllilllilt 

015 793 098 9 • 



335 

58 
y 1 



* 

Too Many Cousins. 



A FARCE 

IN ONE ACT. 



BY — 



Len WarB. 



*> 



Author of "Taggs, the Waif." "MyPard," "Claim 99* "Devil. 
Compact," "Mountain Rose" etc. 



TO WHICH 18 ADDED 

A DESCRIPTION OF THE COSTUMES— CAST OF THE CHARACTERS- 
ENTRANCES AND EXITS— RELATIVE POSITIONS OF THE 
PERFORMERS ON THE STAGE, AND THE WHOLE 
OF THE STAGE BUSINESS. 

v s J>Nl&189C 



Entered accordiixa to net Congress in the year •>/ 1893, by 

AMES' PUBLISHING CO., 
in the office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington. 



nj$ 



-O- 



CLYDE, onio: 

AMES' PUBLISHING CC 



4> A& 



CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

Frank Fussell - - Full of schemes 

Lollypops - - - Man servant. 

Cousin George _-- Visiting for health 

Mable Fussell - * Frank's wife 

Cousin Polly - . . Rather antiquated. 

Cousin Nellie - - Juvenite. 



m„. 



COSTUMES— MODERN. 

x 

Place anywhere. 

x 

TIME— 30 MINUTES 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

R., means Eight; l., Left; r. h., Right Hand; l. ii. , Left 
Hand; c, Centre; s. e., (2d e.) Second Entrance; u. e. 
Upper Entrance; M. d., Middle Door; r., the Flat ; n. 
f., Door in Flat; r. c, Right of Centre; l. c, Left of 
Centre. 

R. R. C. C. L. C. L. 

^Reader is supposed to be upon the stage facing audience. 



TMP92-007^«51 



Too Many Cousins. 



SCENE.— Parlor full depth' c. d. p.. small table R. c, 
chairs to table, Frank sea'ed at table l., Mabel, r. 

Frank. Mabel, I tell you, that I will not stand this any 
longer. You may make up your mind to listen to me or 
not, just as you please. I've requested you several times to 
dispense with some of your cousins — now, there's cousin 
Frank, he comes twice a month and stays a week at a time, 
and cousin Ted/he comes once a month and stays two weeks 
at a time, and cousin Nellie, she comes once every two 
months and stays seveii weeks at a time. We've been mar-; 
ried six months, an>d it there has been one week that there 
hasn't been from three to five cousins here, I'd like to know 
when it was. I never get a chance to speak with you with- 
out some of those infernal cousins are around. I think you 
might devote some of your time to me. 

Mabel. Frank, you talk riiiculous! Do you want me 
to think that yon are jealous of my cousins? 

Frank. Jealous ? No ! I'm not jealous, but I've plenty 
of room to grow jealous, for every time cousin Frank corned 
he says, "0 ! my^dear Mabel" and bang goes a kiss, ancP 
when Fred and Tom and Dick come, they say, "0! you dear* 
little duck of a 6oz," there goes three more kisses; when 
cousin George comes he says, "0 ! my darling Mabel," bang 
goes another kiss — 

Mabel. I never thought you would talk that way to me 
and of my dear, cousins too. Before we were married you 
said that vou would,- never speak a cross word to me. 

(grieved 

Frank. Weil — er — ahem— you see a — that was before 
you know, and I didn't know you had so many cousins, and 
L didnVthink they would aim to live with us forever. When 
they come they just settle down — perfectly contented — and 
why ? Just because they can live off of me cheaper thaa 
ihey can live off of themselves, that's why. 



4 TOO MANY COUSINS. 

Enter, Lollypops, l., 2 e. 

Lollypops. Cousin Polly's come — green umbrella, four- 
teen hat boxes and all — what shall I tell her ? (l. 

Frank. Tell her to go to the devil. 

Mabel, (rises) No you shant either Lollypops, you put 
her in the blue room and tell her I'll be there in a minute. 

Lolly, (turning) Antiquated old fossil, she ought to go 
to the Museum — why she ain't got any teeth — she wears a 
wig, and dang me, if she don't look wild. 

(leans against l., 1 e. and goes to sleep 

Frank. Toss her out in the street, there's too infernal 
many cousins here anyhow. 

Mabel. No ! you'll not either, take her to the blue 
room — 

Frank. The blue room ? Why, that's my room — I want 
that room for my library — you'll not put her there. 

Mabel. Yes, I will too ! You can have your library out 
in the carriage shed. Lollypops, you put her in the blue 
room, get all her trunks — Lollypops, do you hear? Take 
her baggage (crosses to Lolly) and put it in the — Lollypops ! 
(shales him) Lollypops, wake up and take cousin Polly to 
her room. 

Lolly. Eh? (business of waking up) Yes, 0! yes! 
cousin Polly — room — put baggage in carriage shed — yes, 
O ! yes. (exit, l., 2 e. 

Frank. Mabel, I don't propose to stand this cousin busi- 
ness any longer, I intend to get rid of them some way, if it 
costs me all I am worth to do it. I don't intend to be run 
out of my own house by those infernal cousins. (Mabel 
cries) Now, that's right — commence crying, you always do 
when I speak of this subject. You open the sluices and 
meet me with a deluge of tears, but I won't be melted this 
time — no, not a melt — cry if it does you any good, just cry. 

(mad 

Mabel. ! I never was talked to that way before, you 
are a brute and 1 shall go right home to mama's — Frank 
Fussell, I hate you — I shall go right straight to mama's. 

Frank. I wish you was back there! I wish to the Lord 
Pd never taken you away from there. Mabel, I believe we 
made a great mistake by ever getting married — we can't 
get along together at all. Now I think the best thing lor 



TOO MANY COUSINS. 6 

us to do is to quietly and without any scandle, procure a 
divorce — now don't take it to heart, or anything like that, 
but just rest easy and I will see Lawyer Smart to-day and 
see what he thinks about it. 

Mabel. Frank Fussell, you are a mean spirited wretch, 
you can get your old divorce if yon want too, and what's 
more, if you don't get one I will. I shall go right home to 
mama's. (exit, c. d., majesticly 

Frank. Eh|? The devil! She wants me to get a 
divorce, I thought she would persuade me not too, but she 
wants me to — well, I'll not do it — I know what I'll do, I'll 
(calls) Lollypops ! I'll have my breakfast, (calls) Lolly- 
pops ! after breakfast I'll— (calls) Lollypops ! Lollypops ! 
where the devil have you got to? Lollypops! (calling 

Enter, Lollypops, r., 2 e., with a large box. 

Lolly. I'm coming, coming, I'm here. (c. 

Frank. Lollypops, bring me my breakfast, (turns) 
What the devil are you doing with that box in here? 

Lolly. Cousin Polly's trunk 

Frank. Set down that box and get me my breakfast. 

Lolly, (sets box r. c.) What do you want for your- 
breakfast ? 

Frank. What do I want ? What do I always have ? 
Tea and toast sir ! tea and toast, that's what I want — fly 
now — hurry. 

Lolly, (turning) I fly, I fly, tea and toast, (turns to 
Frank) Do you want your tea hot or cold ? 

Frank. Hot of course, you fool ; do you think I want 
iced tei in the winter time ? Now hurry Lollypops, fly. 

Lolly, (going r. , 2 e. ) I fly, I fly, tea and toast, tea 
and toast, (turning back) Do you want your toast toasted 
on one side or toasted on two sides ? 

Frank. 0! both sides of course — now hurry, Lollypops, 
I've some business to attend to this morning — fly I tell you, 

Lolly, {going) I fly, I fly. (turning) Tea and toast 
— do you want your — 

Frank, (rises) Lollypops get me my breakfast. 

(angry 
Lolly, (going) I fly, I fly, tea, and toast, tea and toast. 



6 TOO MANY COUSINS. 

{turning) Do you want your tea toasted or roasted? 
Frank. Lollypops, get me my breakfast. 

{kicks him out r., 2 e. 
Lolly, {going quick) I fly, I fly. {as Frank kicks) 
Why did'nt you say you wanted it right away ? 

{exit, R. , 2 e. 
Frank, {back to table, seated) I see only one way for 
me to do — 

Enter, Lollypops, r., 2 e. 

Lolly. Cousin Nellie's come, (up to box R. c.) Got a 
trunk like this — I'll bring it in. 

Frank. More cousins? ! curse the cousins. I'll get 
rid of them some way, if I have to commit suicide to do it. 

{exit, c. D. 

Lolly, {looking after him) He's in a hurry, he'll do 
something desperate. I better catch him and advise him 
not to. {starts c. d. 

Enter, George, l., 3 e , guicky, hands tied behind him. 

Geo. ! Lollypops, here untie my hands quick before 
Fussell comes, and I'll give you a quarter. 

{tarns buck to LOLLYPOPS. 
Lolly. Quarter ? 'Taint enough, {looks at hands) Who 
tied you ? 

Geo. Why, Mabel and I were having some fun out 
there, and she tied my hands behind me and then I was to 
catch her and kiss her with my hands tied behind me. I 
saw Fussell coming and I didn't have time to kiss her, and 
I don't want him to see me with my hands tied, tor if he 
does, there will be a deuce of a racket. Here, untie me 
and I will give you a dollar. Hurry before — 

Lolly. One dollar ! 'Tain't enough, give me five dollars, 

Geo. Five dollars ! That's too much. Here, I'll give 
you two dollars. Hurry up now. 

Lolly. Give me ten dollars. I'll untie you for ten dol- 
lars. 

Geo. Here I'll give you five dollars. Hurry now, for 
I see Fussell coming. 

L<>tly. Give me the five first. 

Geo. Yes, just as quick as you untie me, you'll get the 
five. 



TOO MANY COUSINS. 7 

Lolly. Give me the five first, or I won't — 

Geo. Here then, feel in my vest pocket. (Lolly, feels 
in pocket) That's my watch, don't take that, put it back 
— in the other pocket. (Lolly in pocket) Keep out o\ 
there, that ain't the pocket — the other one Lollypops, the 
other one — hurry now. (Lolly in pocket) Not that one — • 
in the other side — there, that's the one. 

Lolly, {takes out m-oney and count* aloud) Five, ten, 
twenty, twenty-five, thirty, forty. 

Geo. Lollypops, take out five dollars and put the rest 
bark in my pocket, or I'll black your eye for you. 

Lolly. You can't, your tried. 

(puts money in George's pocket 

Geo. Untie my hands, Lollypops. (looks L.) ! you 
won't have time now, for Fussell is just ready to step in the 
room — what will I do? 

Lolly. Another five if I help you out? 

Geo. Yes anything, if you'll just hurry. 

Lolly, (goes behind George, puts thumbs in George's: 
vest holes, Lolly's arms answers for Georges) Now let' 
h'va come. 

Enter, Frank, l., 3 e. 

Frank. Morning George, morning — seen anything otr 
-ollypops in the last five minutes? 

Lolly, (hihliid George — aside) Yes sir ! 

Geo. (aside to Lolly) Shut up, you ain't here. 

Lolly, (aside to George) Yes, I am too. 

Geo. (aside to Lolly) Shut up! I tell you, you ain't 
hei e. 

Lilly (aside to George) You are a liar, I am too. 

Geo. (aside to Lolly) Be still, (aloud to Frank) 
Haven't seen Lollypops this morning, I think he's out in 
the garden. (Frank turns l., 3 e. 

Lolly (aside) 0! the son of a gun, listen to his nerve. 

Frank, (turns back to George) By the way George, 
what time have you ? 

Geo, My watch ran down last night and I haven't — 

Lolly, (aside to George) Yes, you have too. (takes 
out George's watch) Tell him. 

Geo. (looks at watch) Certainly, 8:25 just. 

(Lolly puts watch back 



8 TOO MANY COUSINS. 

Frank. George, could you accommodate me with a tern* 
porary loan, just a small one, say about five dollars. 'Twould 
oe quite an accommodation if you would. 

Geo. Well — ahem ! I — er — you see — 

Lolly, {aside to George) Tell him yes, if you won't, I 
will. 

Geo. I have'nt that amount, sir! 

Lolly, (takes money out of George's pocket — aside) 
You are a liar. 

Geo. Five dollars, did you say, Fussell? 

Frank. Yes, five dollars, I'll return it in a day or so. 
(Lolly unrolls money, hands hill to Frank, and puts rest 
back in George's pocket) George, I've got the slickest 
scheme you ever heard tell of — take something and I'll tell 
you all about it. (hands flask 

Geo. Thanks, but I never drink. 

Lolly, (aside to George) Yes, you do too. 

(takes flask 
■ Geo. Certainly Fussell — here's luck. 

Throws head back to drink, Lolly carries flask past 
George and drinks himself. 

Frank. That's fine — something good — the genuine arti- 
cle. 

Geo. (Lolly hands flask back to Frank) Excellent, 
excellent. 

Lolly, (aside) Worst old squirrel whiskey I ever 
tasted. 

Frank. Have some more, George? 

Geo. No ! thank you. 

Lolly, (reaching for -flask wildly — aside) Tell him 
yes, tell him yes. 

Frank. Now then George, the scheme I spoke of, is this, 
I'm going to kill all my wife's cousins — every one — cut 
their throats from ear to ear — see ? You stay here and I'll 
got the razor. (exit, l., 2 e. 

Geo. Lollypops, did you hear him — he's gone crazy — 
for God sake hide me quick, or I'm a dead man. 

Lolly. Another five ? 

Geo. Yes, anything if you will only save me. Hide me 
quick. 

Lolly. Well here, get under this box, (George does 



TOO MANY COUSINS. 3 

so) Now, when I let her down you keep still, or you are a 
gone cousin, (lets box down over George) Don't move 
till I come back. (exit, r., 2 e. 

Enter, Frank, l., 2 e. 

Frank. Hello ! no one here, well, it makes no difference, 
for I've changed my mind anyway, (sits on box) I know 
what I'll do, I'll commit suicide and then kili all of them 
afterwards — I'll hang myself — there's a hook up there in the 
ceiling. I can tie a rope in that, tie the rope around my 
neck, stand on this box, kick the box from under me and 
die in style. 

Geo. (under box) I'm hot. 

Frank, (startled) What! (George -groans) Heavens! 
what was that ? I distinctly heard a voice. 

Geo. (under box) I wish I was out of here. 

Frank, (excited) Thieves, by jingo, one hid under' 
the box and I haven't got my revolver — I'll go and get it. 

(exit, l., 2 e. 

Geo. (calls) Lollypops! Lollypops! Lollypops! 

Enter, Lollypops, r., 2 e. 

Lolly. Well, ain't I coming? 

(raises box and lets George out 

Geo. ! if I get out of this alive, I'll never come here* 
again. 

Lolly. What did you come this time for ? Nobody sent 
for you did they ? (unties Georges hands I 

Geo. No, but I was having my house fixed up and I 
wanted some place to stay while they were at work, so I 
came here, but I'm going back now, my house is all fixed 
up, I've got a new coat of paint on my house, inside and 
out — 

Lolly. New coat of paint on your house? That's noth- 
ing we've got a mortgage on our house. 

Geo. Now listen to me Lollypops, my life preserver — 
my more than friend — my gem of the first water my — 

Lolly Maybe you think I'm a prize box ? 

Geo. Never mind what I think, listen to what I know. 
Fussell is going to kill me — gone after his revolver now and 
I'm going to leave, so I want you to get all my baggage 
down to the depot for the 5:30 train. 



10 TOO MANY COUSINS. 

Lolly. Carry four big trunks down — I guess not. 

Geo. Here, I'll pay you. {hands m'liitf) Have the 
trunks there by 5:30 — keep the money, it' all yours- ne/>r 
mind the change, keep all of it. {exit, r , 3 e. 

Lolly. All mine and keep the change, {look* at money) 
Well, dang my buttons if it ain't a cent piece, {sits on box) 
I know what I'll do — I'll go to sleep and think about it. 
{goes to sleep, sinks down in box — work this slow 

Enter, Frank, c. e. 

1 rank. Now for the villain in that box, {shoots) I'll shoot 
again and be shure of it — that's the safest plan, (sh >ots) 
That certainly has laid him out. (looks in box) Hello ! 
what's this ? (throws box over) Get out of there, {shakes 
Lolly o ut) What! good heavens! Lollypops, my good 
and faithful servant dead — dead, and I've killed him. (ex- 
amines Lolly) Yes dead — his body is cold, he has bem 
dead for some time— I never killed him, 'twas the villainous 
thief that did it — I've heard it said that a dead persons 
eyes had a glassy appearance. I'll see (looks at Lolly's 
eye) \es h ; s eye has that glassy stare. 

Lolly. That's my glass eye, you darn fool look at the 
other one. (yetting up 

Frank. What! ain't dead? Then come with me, there'-* 
too many cousins here and I have a scheme to pet rid of 
them. Come — don't delay a moment, and we will be re- 
venged, (exit, Li, 2 e. 

Lolly. Wait till I get cousin Pollv's trunk and I am 
with you. (takes box and exit, l., 2 E. 

Enter, Mabel, Polly, Nellie and George, r , 2 e. 

Nellie. But George, you musn't think of leaving now. 

Mabel. No! no! George, you really must not. 

Geo. But my dear cousins, I am in danger if I stay 
here, Fussell wiil shoot me — 

Polly. No he won't — he won't hurt any one but him- 
self. 

Molt, I. Of course he won't, that shooting's all moon- 
shine. 

Nellie. ! that picnic in the grove will be so nice. 

Geo. And you won't say any thing to Fussell about it? 

Polly. Of course not, that would spoil everything. 



TOO MANY COUSINS. 11 

Nellie. We'll fix up a big swing — 
Mabel. And spread our dinners on the ground — ■ 
Geo. And all of us cousins can be together without 
Fussell being around to see us — 

Polly. And we'll have a regular cousiDgly time. 

Enter, Frank and Lolly, c. e., crying, wringing hand, 
tearing their hair, etc. — business. 

Frank. Ruined, ruined, ruined, lost, lost, lost. 

(work this up 

Lolly, (imitating) ! I'm ruined — lost — busted— 

Mabel, (to Frank) Frank, what's the matter ? 

Lolly. Busted, busted, ruined — lost, ! ! 

(falls c, exhausted 

Frank, (agonized) I am ruined — ruined — what will I 
do? 

Mabel, (hold of Frank's arm) Frank, tell me what is 
the matter ? 

Frank. We are beggars — not worth anything — the' 
bank where I deposited all our money — 

Lolly, (c.) Busted — busted — busted. 

Mabel. But can nothing be done ? 

Frank. There is but one way, and that is for some of 
our dear cousins to make us a loan — Polly, could — 

Polly. No ! all of my money is invested where it would 
be impossible for me to get it — Mabel, I forgot to tell you 
this morning, I have to leave this evening, so I must go and 
pack my trunk — sorry for your misfortune, but — 

Lolly, (takes her by arm and leads her K. , 2 E., pushes 
her of and comes c.) Next ! 

Frank. Tnen maybe cousin Nellie could — 

Nellie. No! I — I really have'nt the time — I — I must 
go and help Polly pack her trunk — you have my sympathy 
Mabel, but I — 1 must really help Polly — 

Lolly, (takes her by arm and lead* her to r., 2 e., 
pushes her off and comes to c, howling) Next ! 

Frank. Then George, if you could — 

Geo. I'm in such a rush — I have'nt the time now, as I 
was just bidding Mabel good-bye — I have to catch the 5:30 
train, so if you will — 

Lolly. Serve you like the others ? Course we will. 
(business as before) Next ! 



12 TOO MANY COUSINS. 

Frank. There ! that's the last of the infernal cousins, 
and now Mabel, I hope we can have a little quiet in this 
house from now on. 

Mabel. Do you think I would stay in this house with 
you Frank Fussell? No sir! I won't stay, and to think 
that you would treat me the way you have and then — 
(bursts into tears) I shall pack my trunk and go right home 
to mama's, so there — {stamps foot an I exit, c e. 

Lolly, {starting for Mabel) Next! 

Frank, (grabs and jerks him hack) AVhat the devil are 
you doing? That's my wife. 

Lolly. 'Tis, is it ? The scheme worked so well, I 
believe I got humfizzled. 

Frank. Lollypops, 'twill never do to let that little spit 
fire go back to the old womans, for that would raise a devil 
oi a racket, and then the old man would be up po>t haste, 
and he's a regular old fire eater just like Mabel. We must 
work another scheme — I have it — now, I'll go out in the 
garden, fire off my revolver and you must run in the room 
here and cry, tear your hair and work up a scene, and then 
when Mabel comes in, you tell her that I have shot myseli 
because she don't care for me any more. Don't forget now 
when I shoot, understand? Raise the deuce generally, 
make lot's of noise, etc. Don't forget. (exit, l., 2 e. 

Lolly. When the gun goes off, I holler. Sh ! here comes 
the victim. 

Enter, Mabel, r., 2 e , with two wine bottles, which she 
places on table. 

What are you going to do? 

Mabel. I am going to play a little trick on Frank, he 
thinks I'm going back to mama's, but I won't, he will go 
to his mother's and tell her, and then there would be a 
storm, for she has a firerv temper. 

Lolly. That's what Frank said about you. 

Mabel. The heartless villain, but I'll get even with him 
and I want you to help me. He thinks I want to go, but I 
don't, and I'll make him beg me to stay — he has lost all the 
money we had, but I don't care, I'll stay anyway. Now 
Lolly pops listen, here are two bottles of wine and I am 
going to poison this one. (puts powder in bottlJ) Don't 



V 



TOO MANY COtTsmS. It 

get these dottles mixed, and then I'm going to drink a glass 
of wine from — 

Lolly . What? Are you going to poison yourself? 

Mabel. No ! I wouldn't kill myself for any man. I'm 
going to drink a glass of the good wine and then I want 
you to take a fit, take hysterics, take anything. 

Lolly. I'll take that bottle of good wine. 

{starts for it 

Mabel. No! (jerks him lack 1 ) Here, listen to me. 
When you've raised a scene here and Frank comes in, you 
tell him that I have poisoned myself, because he don't care 
for me any more, and because he is going to get a divorce, 
and you tell him that I left a note for him. I'll go and 
write the note now. Don't get the bottles mixed, Lolly- 
pops, this is good wine, (points) and this is bad wine. 

(points, exit, r., 2 e. , 

Lolly. Good wine, bad wine, I'm mixed right now, I 
don't know which is good and which is bad, but I'll risk it 
anyhow, (drinks from bottle that is not poisoned) He is 
going to shoot himself, and she's going to poison herself. 
I've got to raise a scene for her and raise a scene for him. 
(drinks) Faint for him and have hysterics for her — poison 
— shoot — good wine, bad wine — faint — tear hair — hysterica 
— give note, (drinks) I'll bet four dollars that I get the 
two mixed. 

Enter, Mabel r., l, 2 E. 

Mabel. Here is the note for Frank, (hands note) don't 
forget to give it to him — -now will you get me two glasses? 

Lolly. Can't you drink out of the bottle ? 

Mabel. No I can't, 

Lolly. Why ! I thought you was brought up that way. 
I was, that's the reason — 

Mabel, (sharply) Will you get me two glasses ? 

Loll il. Yes m im ! (emit, l., 2 e., shot sounds L. e., Lolly 
runs in L. , 2 e., cryiny and wringing hands — work this 
tip) Dead, dead, dead, 0! 0! he's gone, there's a stranger 
in heaven or the other place by this time ; dead, dead. 

Mabel. What's the matter Lollypops ? What's hap- 
pened, tell me quick ; (shaking him) somethimg dreadful J 
know, tell me instantly, don't keep me in suspense. 

Lolly, (up to table) Good wine, bad wine, good, bad-— 



U TOO MANY COUSINS. 

{drinks good wine) he's dead, killed himself because you 
didn't care for him any more, and he couldn't live without 
you, shot himself — brains all over the garden — revolver — 
biff bang — right through the gizzard — dead, {drinks) 
Moonshine. 

Mabel, {work this up) ! Frank, why did you do it? 
I do care for you as much as I ever did, even if we are poor 
we could have began life over again, and to think the dear 
darling of a fellow said he couldn't live without me — I've 
nothing to live for now — I know what I'll do — the poisoned 
wine— I'll drink it, I'll join you Frank — we will be buried 
together — better dead than to live without you. 

{takes bottle of poisoned wine, about to drink 

Enter, Frank, l., 2 e. 

What! not dead? 

Lolly. Well, if he's dead, that's the liveliest corpse I've 
seen for sometime. (Mabel sets bottle on table 

Frank. No ! I'm not dead, instead I never felt better in 
my life ; but what were you going to do, {points) what are 
those bottles for? 

Mabel. Why, I thought that you were dead and I was ( 
going to poison myself. One bottle is poisoned, the other 
one is good. 

(Mabel crosses to l. front, Frank changes bottles quickly, 
Frank. No need of that now, the shooting was just a 

joke of mine and Lollypops, over the cousins. 
(Lolly steals bottle of poisoned wine, goes up and drinks 
Mabel, {kittenish) There was too many cousins, was'nt 

there ? 

Frank. Yes, but at last we are rid of them and our 

troubles are all over. 

Mabel. But we are poor Frank, all our wealth is gone, 

you said the bank had broken — 

Lolly, {up drinking) Moonshine — moonshine. 
Frank. The bank has suspended, but I had drawn all 

our money out a week ago, and we will be happy and never 

quarrel again ? 

Mabel. No, never. {embrace 

Lolly, {up) They are cuddling. {hugs himself 

Frank, {takes bottle) Then here's luck to the' cousina 

and success to our good resolutions. idrinki 



TOO MANY COTTSffiS. lo 

Lolly. Yes sir ! and here's joining you —dang you. 

{drinks 

Mabel. ! Frank, you'll die, that bottle is poisoned, 
poisoned I tell you, don't drink it, don't, 

Frank, {laughing) Never fear, I changed those bottles 
a while ago, put the good one where the poisoned one 
was — 

Mabel, (frantic) Then where is the poisoned wine? 

Lolly, (jumps up throws bottle, etc.- business) Doctor! 
doctor! doctor! stomach pump! stomach pump! 0! 0! 

( work th is up 

Frank. Lollppops is poisoned, get something quick 
Mabel, anything, (shakes Lolly) O ! Lollypops, what 
did you drink that for? Hurry Mabel, hurry! 

Work this quick, general con fusion— Mabel turns down 
barrd from l., 3 e., which she rolls to c, Frank 
lags Lolly across barrel, face down, takes him bg> 
heels and pushes him back and forth, crosses f. c. a la 
wheel barrow till wine runs from Lolly's mouth. 

CTJRTALN. 

THE END. 



^•Gyp, the Heiress ;4* 

OR, 

The Dead Witness. 



A Drama in 4 acts by Len Ware, for 5 male and 4 female 
characters. 

The cast contains a good villain, a soubrette, a chinaman; 

a "deown East" aunt, and an insurance agent 

make up the rest. 

Costumes to suit characters. 
SYNOPSIS OF EVENTS. 

ACT I.— Drawing-room of Oscar Royalton, Silver City, Nevada. 

Aunt Rachel — Oscars Aunt, from down East — Hezekiah Hopeful, 
a tramp — "No mustach near me" — Gyp — a-b-c — Thornton the 
Villain — A sacred trust — Royalton depart for the East — Clara and 
Thornton — He demands the papers — "I'll guard them with my lite 
— Supposed murder of Clara and Hezekiah — "Heavens! I'm a 
murderer — I'll burn the house and conceal my crime — Exciting tire 
scene. 

ACT II.— Hop Sing's Laundry. 

Takemquick — A live Insurance man — Rachel and Gyp — Hop Sing 
and Rachel — The right — Takemquick on hand — Sister Carmeta re- 
veals a secret to Gyp and Rachel — Thornton's demand of Hop Sing, 
his accomplice — The refusal — An attempt to murder Hop Sing— 
The Dead Witness appears. 

ACT III.— Thornton's Law Office. 
Hezekiah the tramp, secures a position in Thornton's office — 
Takemquick — Hezekiah reveals to Gyp who her enemy is — "Trust me 
I'll get your fortune for you" — Hezekiah's novel — Sister Carmeta — 
'I'm here to avenge the death of Clara Royalton" — The shot — I am 
the Dead Witness — "A colt revolver" — Oscar disguised — A game of 
cards — "Discovered" — Oath of vengeance — Hezekiah holds both 
bowers. 

ACT IV.— Same Scene as Act III. 
Love scene between Hezekiah and Rachel — Proposal — Two notes 
— Thornton shot by Hop Sing — Oscar in disguise — Clara is the Dead 
Witness, who escaped death in the burning house — Oscar throws oft 
disguise and introduces Gyp as his wife — Death of Thornton — Devils 
toast — Hezekiah presents papers to prove Gyp's inheritance anil 
is ready for matrimony — Aunt Rachel finally surrenders and all are 
happy. 

Time of playing 1 hour and 40 minutes. Price 25 Cents, 



gj : Lg 

.limes' Plays — G ontimiBil. 



176 

207 
199 
174 
158 
Mi) 
37 
237 
126 
265 
114 
264 

219 
239 
221 
262 



Comedies Continued. 

Factory Girl 

Heroic Dutchman 'of 76 

Home 

Love's Labor Not Lost 

Mr. Hudson's Tiger Hunt 

New Years in N. V 

Not So Bad After All 

Not Such a Fool as He Looks 

u r Dau gh t ers 

Pug ami the Baby 

Passions 

Pmf. James' Experience 

Teaching Country School 

Rags and Bottles 

Scale with Sharps and Flats.. 

Solon Shingle '. 

Two Bad Boys 

The Biter Bit 

The Cigarette 

$2,000 Reward 

TRAGEDIES. 
The Serf 



6 3 

s 3 

4 3 

3 3 

1 1 



16 

FARCES & COMEDIETTA S. 

129 Aar-U-ag-oos 2 1 

132 Actor and Servant 1 1 

316 \ini' Charlotte - Maid 3 3 

289 A Colonel's M'shap o 

12 A Capita .Match 2 

303 A Kiss in the Dark 2 3 

lfiii ATeyan Mother-in- Law 4 6 

• in A Day Well Spent 7 5 

169 A Regular Fix 2 4 

286 A Professional Gardener "4 2 

SO ■V.larmingl.v Suspicions 4 

3&) All In A Mud lie 

7s An Awful Criminal 3 3 

313 A Muri'hni .king Father 2 2 

31 A Pet of the Publie I 2 

21 A Romantic Attachment. 

121 A Thrilling Hem 3 1 

•I) \ Ticker of Leave 3 2 

175 Betsey Baker 2 2 

s Better Half 5 2 

Hack vs. White 1 2 

22 Captain Smith „ 3 3 

84 Cheek Will Win 3 n 

2s, i ousin Josiah 1 1 

ipi-is Capers 4 4 

317 Clovoland a R-ception Party. 5 
24!) Double Electi n 9 1 

4 l ) Iter Tw. i Surprises 1 1 

72 Deuce is in Him •"> 1 

L9 Did Dream it 4 3 

42 Domestic Felicity 1 1 

18* Hutch Prize Fighter 3 

22" Datohy vs. Nigger 3 o 

11^ Eh? W at Did You Say 3 1 

218 Everybody Astonished 4 (I 

221 Fooling with the Wrong -Man 2 I 

233 Freezing h Muiher-in-Law... 2 1 

151 Fun in a Posl Office I 2 

m 



NO. 

184 

274 

209 

13 

.107 

66 

271 
116 
120 

50 
14(1 

74 

35 
247 

95 
305 
•99 

11 
323 

99 

S2 
182 
127 
228 
302 

106 

288 
139 
231 



2i is 
212 

32 
186 
273 
296 
259 

14 

57 
217 
165 
195 
159 
171 
180 
267 
309 

48 
138 
115 

232 

241 
270 
1 
137 
252 



Family Discipline 

Family Jars 

Goose with the Golden Eggs.. 

Give Me My Wife 

Hallabahoola, the Medicine 

Man 

Hans, the Dutch J. P 

Hans Brummel's Cafe 

Hash 

H. M. S. Plum 

How She has Own Way 

How He Popped "he Quest'n. 

How t<> Tame M-in-Law 

How Stout Your Getting 

Incompatibility of Temper... 

In the Wrong Clothes 

Jacob Shlaff's Mistake 

Jimmie Jones 

John Smith 

Joh;mes Blatz's Mistake 

Jumbo Jum 

Killing Time 

Kittie's Wedding Cake 

Lick Skillet Wedding 

Lauderbach's Little Surprise 
Locked in a Dress-maker's 

Boom 

Lodgings for Two 

Love in all Corners 

Matrimonial Bliss 

Match 'or a other-Min-Law.. 

More Blunders than one 

Mother's Fool 

My Heart's in Highlands 

My Precious Betsey 

My Turn Next 

M Wife's Relations 

My Day and Now-a-Days 

My Neighbor's Wife...'. 

Xanka's Leap Year Venture.. 

Nobody's Moke 

Obedience 

On the Sly 

Paddy Miles' Boy 

Paten' Washing Mj. chine 

Persecuted Dutehm; 

Poor Pilicody 

Quiet Family 

Bough Diamond 

Ripples 

Room 14 

Santa Cans' Daughter 

Sch aps 

Sewing Circle of Period 

S. H. A. M. Pinafore 

Somebody's Nobody 

Stage Struck Yankee 

Struck by Lightning 

Slick and Skinner 

Slasher and Crasher 

Taking the Census- 

That Awful Carpet Bag 

That Rascal Pat 

That Mvsierions B'dle 



x5 



B* 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



Jimes* Plays — L 




NO. "• 

101 The Coming 'an 

L67 Turn Him < »nr 

I 

-h Squire of Squash 

I 

285 The .Mashers Mushed ■< 

he Sham Prof 'ssor -1 

7 

54 The Two T.J's 4 

Next Birthd 

rim rT'mnijl'ti) 

142 Tit for - 

inter and His Devils.. 3 
2ti3 Trials of » Country Ed'toi 
7 The Wondei ful Telcphow 
ml I' nily 

i 

" 

17H I 2 

213 V. rmonl Wool Dealer... 

151 Wanted a Hi - 

[Tn«I«i Difficultie 5 

7d Which will he . ... - 

147 v 

155 \\ Ete- 

" 

111 Yankee DueJisI ■} 

157 \ 



ETHIOPIAN FARCES. 

172 I' I 

4 

1 'olored Sen i I 

I 
[amlet the i 

24 llan.lv ' 

For 1 1 . 
47' In tli Wrong Box. 



PANTOMIME. 



MAKE YOUR OWN WIGS ! 
PREPARED WOOL Is ana 

WIGS, BEARDS, MUSTACHES, ETC., 
i rid will he - 

7. IS1JI \f, 

CLYDE, OHIO. 



015 793 098 9 

nluitrht ColiC „ 

2 

e fro Pay 

Deaf as lie - 

Old Dad'sCabin 

Old Poinuey 1 

4 

llijj other People's Children... 

134 Pomn'a Pi'an 

to Let 2 

107 Si 

\fto 

-imrts on a Lark 

25 ' Snort." man 2 

, ■ i 
lo - 

Bo - 

.. 3 

US Th« Popeorn M;tn 

108 Thoe Vwt'nl I 

2 

2 

210 V 

?'»•'» William Tell. 

GUIDE BOOKS. 

17 Hints i 

CANTATA. 

i 
TABLEAUX. 

250 I 



jfi 



